resolute

lord, i want to stop knowing about you. i want to share my life with you. i want to learn to fear you.

upcoming plans/events

nov 16 - dec 4: exams dec 10 - dec 23: GIP prelude to BEIJING!!(tentative if my application is successful) dec 14 - dec 17: youth camp dec 26 - dec 30: myanmar missions june 2010: move to bible house must prepare myself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually...

youth service worship

進入你的同在
讓我進入主你的同在，
我與眾天使圍繞寶座敬拜。
喔讓我進入主你的同在，
我要單單敬拜你耶穌。
我要敬拜，敬拜，敬拜我的主。
我要敬拜，敬拜，敬拜我的主。
我要跪下，跪下，在你寶座前。
我要跪下，跪下，在你寶座前。

讓我進入主你的榮耀，
我在你聖潔光中被你得著。
喔讓我進入主你的榮耀，
我要單單為主你而活。
頌讚榮耀，榮耀，榮耀歸羔羊。
頌讚榮耀，榮耀，榮耀歸羔羊。
頌讚聖潔，聖潔，聖潔的真神。
頌讚聖潔，聖潔，聖潔的真神。


詩篇三十二篇
我的神，懇求你的恩典遮蓋我的罪，
我為我過犯深感懊悔，
我要向你承認我的罪與不義，
向你俯伏下跪。
我要現在向你獻上我的禱告，
求你拯救我，使我不至羞愧。
隱藏我，保佑我，環繞我，引導我，
我要一生至死跟隨。


祷告
祷告，因为我渺小
祷告，因为我知道我需要明瞭
你心意对我重要
祷告，已假装不了
祷告，因为你的爱我需要你关怀
我走过的你都明白

有些事我只想要对你说
因你比任何人都爱我
痛苦从眼中流下
我知道你为我擦

在早晨我也要来对你说
主耶稣今天我为你活
所需要的力量你天天赐给我
你恩典够我用


我需要有你在我生命中
哦主，求你保守的心我的意念，
使我能夠遵行你旨意，
我願將你話語深藏在我心，
作路上的光，成為我腳前的燈。

哦主，求你堅固我信心、我的力量，
使我得以勇敢向前行，
因我知道有時我仍會軟弱，
求你帶領我使我不會再退縮，
我需要有你在我生命中，
好讓我一生能學你的樣式，
使我能成為你所喜悅的兒女，
使我的生命能夠彰顯你榮耀，
（使我成為你所喜悅寶貴兒女）。

A Slice of Infinity: The Prosperity Drug

The catchy beat was disarming. Driving down the highway with my hands tapping out the rhythm on my steering wheel, I thought this was just another clever pop tune with bubblegum lyrics. Then the words to the chorus caught my attention:

“I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
I’m being taken over by The Fear.”(1)

This song sung by the young British pop star, Lily Allen, was not just another slickly produced tune without substance. Allen sings of the destructive impact of materialism:

“I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I want loads of clothes and loads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers
It’s all about fast cars and passing each other
But it doesn’t matter because I’m packing plastic
and that’s what makes my life so fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
and it’s not my fault it’s how I’m programmed to function

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
Cause I’m being taken over by fear.”

Among other things, the song laments the vacuity of mindless consumption and its pervasiveness in our society. Consumption, as Allen points out, can be like any other form of addiction, providing an initial high that hooks us, but never again delivers what it promises. Instead, it leads us down the path toward diminishing returns and never ultimately calms our fear.

Over 200 years before Ms. Allen stepped onto the pop music scene in the United Kingdom, John Wesley articulated the dangers of materialism. “I fear, wherever riches have increased,” he wrote, “the essence of religion has decreased in the same proportion. Therefore, I do not see how it is possible, in the nature of things, for any revival of religion to continue long....[A]s riches increase, so will pride, anger and love of the world in all its branches."(2) Even as thousands and thousands were joining his ranks, he spoke prophetically about the inevitable decline and dissolution of this revival as a result of the increase of wealth arising from Christian diligence and frugality.

Indeed, it is well known to students of human societies that an increase in prosperity often brings with it a precipitous decline in religious involvement. After all, why would anyone need God when there is Master Card and Visa? The declining numbers in churches in the Western World seem to affirm that Wesley’s fears were warranted. Christian leaders speculate that if current trends continue in England, for example, Methodists will cease to exist in that country in thirty years.(3) Of course, long before Wesley uttered his fears, Jesus warned his disciples: “No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or else he will hold to one, and despise the other. You cannot serve God and riches” (Luke 16:13). Jesus warns of the idolatry that so easily entraps us, luring us away from faithful allegiance.

We might be tempted to avoid these difficult warnings in times of economic “slow down.” How can we be tempted to serve “the master” of money, after all, when we have so much less of it? Yet even in its absence, we can find our hearts soothed more by money than by God and behold the signs of a dangerous dependence. When our hearts find salvation and security in having more and more material gain--whether we actually hold it or not--we are reminded of “the deceitfulness of riches” and the narcotic effects of material success.

Thus clearly, the abolition of wealth or production is not the answer to materialism! Rather, the answer lies in the proper use of wealth in our world: as a blessing for others and not just for our own use. Jesus instructed disciples to “sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven....For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Luke 12:33-34).

John Wesley understood this, too, and in the spirit of Jesus reiterates the same idea: “We ought not to forbid people to be diligent and frugal: we must exhort all Christians, to gain all they can, and to save all they can... What way then (I ask again) can we take that our money may not sink us to the nethermost hell? There is one way, and there is no other under heaven. If those who gain all they can, and save all they can, will likewise give all they can, then the more they gain, the more they will grow in grace, and the more treasure they will lay up in heaven.”(4)

In difficult economic times, this is far from unnecessary counsel. It may be, in fact, the very idea that finally breaks the chains of addiction and reveals a far better treasure.

she played mahjong that day!!!!and she's getting more used to e effects of e super duper strong drug. still remember the first 2 days she got onto the drug. it was so painful to look at her. to see her so sleepy and totally drained of energy. she couldn't even finish a single game of mahjong properly. still remember she took 20 tiles and did not even realise anything wrong at all. her nervous system and brain was totally breaking down, not functioning in the least bit. while all these were going on, she was still trying to put up a strong front, knowing our hearts went out to her. she still smiled at us, though it only made us ache more. but now, other than the huge lump at the side of her neck, she's perfectly fine on her drugs. thank god :)

it's the first time i'm really losing someone close to death. i have only one question now. is it very selfish to want her to go quickly so that her pain is reduced?

Seventy times seven

"How many times must I forgive my brother?" the disciple Peter had asked Jesus.

"Seven times?" Lisa's Sunday school teacher had read Jesus' surprise answer to the class.

"Seventy times seven."

Lisa had leaned over to her brother Brent as the teacher continued reading. "How many times is that?" she whispered. Brent, though two years younger, was smarter than she was.

"Four hundred and ninety," Brent wrote on the corner of his Sunday school paper.

Lisa saw the message, nodded, and sat back in her chair. She watched her brother as the lesson continued. He was small for his age, with narrow shoulders and short arms. His glasses were too large for his face, and his hair always matted in swirls. He bordered on being a nerd, but his incredible skills at everything, especially music, made him popular with his classmates.

Brent had learned to play the piano at age four, the clarinet at age seven, and had just begun to play oboe. His music teachers said he'd be a famous musician someday. There was only one thing at which Lisa was better than Brent-basketball. They played it almost every afternoon after school. Brent could have refused to play, but he knew that it was Lisa's only joy in the midst of her struggles to get C's and D's at school.

Lisa's attention came back to her Sunday school teacher as the woman finished the lesson and closed with prayer. That same Sunday afternoon found brother and sister playing basketball in the driveway. It was then that the counting had begun. Brent was guarding Lisa as she dribbled toward the basket. He had tried to bat the ball away, got his face near her elbow, and took a shot on the chin. "Ow!", he cried out and turned away. Lisa saw her opening and drove to the basket, making an easy lay-up.She gloated over her success but stopped when she saw Brent.

"You okay?", she asked. Brent shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry," Lisa said. "Really. It was a cheap shot." "It's all right. I forgive you," he said. A thin smile then formed on his face. "Just 489 more times though."

"Whaddaya mean?" Lisa asked. "You know...what we learned in Sunday school today. You're supposed to forgive someone 490 times. I just forgave you, so now you have 489 left," he kidded. The two of them laughed at the thought of keeping track of every time Lisa had done something to Brent. They were sure she had gone past 490 long ago.

The rain interrupted their game, and the two moved indoors. "Wanna play Battleship?" Lisa asked. Brent agreed, and they were soon on the floor of the living room with their game boards in front of them. Each took turns calling out a letter and number combination, hoping to hit each other's ships. Lisa knew she was in trouble as the game went on. Brent had only lost one ship out of five. Lisa had lost three. Desperate to win, she found herself leaning over the edge of Brent's barrier ever so slightly.

She was thus able to see where Brent had placed two of his ships. She quickly evened the score. Pleased, Lisa searched once more for the location of the last two ships. She peered over the barrier again, but this time Brent caught her in the act. "Hey, you're cheating!" He stared at her in disbelief.

Lisa's face turned red. Her lips quivered. "I'm sorry," she said, staring at the carpet. There was not much Brent could say. He knew Lisa sometimes did things like this. He felt sorry that Lisa found so few things she could do well. It was wrong for her to cheat, but he knew the temptation was hard for her. "Okay, I forgive you," Brent said. Then he added with a small laugh,"I guess it's down to 488 now, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She returned his kindness with a weak smile and added, "Thanks for being my brother, Brent."

Brent's forgiving spirit gripped Lisa, and she wanted him to know how sorry she was. It was that evening that she had made the chart with the 490 boxes. She showed it to him before he went to bed. "We can keep track of every time I mess up and you forgive me," she said.

"See, I'll put a check in each box-like this." She placed two marks in the upper left-hand boxes. "These are for today." Brent raised his hands to protest. "You don't need to keep-" "Yes I do!" Lisa interrupted. "You're always forgiving me, and I want to keep track. Just let me do this!" She went back to her room and tacked the chart to her bulletin board.

There were many opportunities to fill in the chart in the years that followed. She once told the kids at school that Brent talked in his sleep and called out Rhonda Hill's name, even though it wasn't true. The teasing caused Brent days and days of misery. When she realized how cruel she had been, Lisa apologized sincerely. That night she marked box number 96.

Forgiveness number 211 came in the tenth grade when Lisa failed to bring home his English book. Brent had stayed home sick that day and had asked her to bring it so he could study for a quiz. She forgot and he got a C.

Number 393 was for lost keys...418 for the extra bleach she put in the washer, which ruined his favorite polo shirt...449, the dent she had put in his car when she had borrowed it.

There was a small ceremony when Lisa checked number 490. She used a gold pen for the check mark, had Brent sign the chart, and then placed it in her memory box."I guess that's the end," Lisa said. "No more screw-ups from me anymore!"

Brent just laughed. "Yeah, right."

Number 491 was just another one of Lisa's careless mistakes, but its hurt lasted a lifetime. Brent had become all that his music teachers said he would. Few could play the oboe better than he. In his fourth year at the best music school in the United States, he received the opportunity of a lifetime-a chance to try out for New York City's great orchestra.

The tryout would be held sometime during the following two weeks. It would be the fulfillment of his young dreams. But he never got the chance. Brent had been out when the call about the tryout came to the house. Lisa was the only one home and on her way out the door, eager to get to work on time.

"Two-thirty on the tenth," the secretary said on the phone. Lisa did not have a pen, but she told herself that she could remember it."Got it. Thanks." I can remember that, she thought. But she did not. It was a week later around the dinner table that Lisa realized her mistake.

"So, Brent," his mom asked him, "When do you try out?" "Don't know yet. They're supposed to call." Lisa froze in her seat.

"Oh, no!" she blurted out loud. "What's today's date? Quick!"

"It's the twelfth," her dad answered. "Why?"

A terrible pain ripped through Lisa's heart. She buried her face in her hands, crying. "Lisa, what's the matter?" her mother asked. Through sobs Lisa explained what had happened. "It was two days ago...the tryout....two-thirty...the call came...last week."

Brent sat back in his chair, not believing Lisa.

"Is this one of your jokes, sis?" he asked, though he could tell her misery was real. She shook her head, still unable to look at him.

"Then I really missed it?" She nodded.

Brent ran out of the kitchen without a word. He did not come out of his room the rest of the evening. Lisa tried once to knock on the door, but she could not face him. She went to her room where she cried bitterly. Suddenly she knew that she had to do. She had ruined Brent's life. He could never forgive her for that. She had failed her family,and there was nothing to do but to leave home. Lisa packed her pickup truck in the middle of the night and left a note behind, telling her folks she'd be all right. She began writing a note to Brent, but her words sounded empty to her. Nothing I say could make a difference anyway, she thought.

Two days later she got a job as a waitress in Boston. She found an apartment not too far from the restaurant. Her parents tried many times to reach her, but Lisa ignored their letters. "It's too late," she wrote them once. "I've ruined Brent's life, and I'm not coming back." Lisa did not think she would ever see home again. But one day in the restaurant where she worked she saw a face she knew. "Lisa!" said Mrs.Nelson, looking up from her plate. What a surprise."

The woman was a friend of Lisa's family from back home. "I was so sorry to hear about your brother," Mrs. Nelson said softly. "Such a terrible accident. But we can be thankful that he died quickly. He didn't suffer." Lisa stared at the woman in shock.

"Wh-hat," she finally stammered.

It couldn't be! Her brother? Dead? The woman quickly saw that Lisa did not know about the accident. She told the girl the sad story of the speeding car, the rush to the hospital, the doctors working over Brent. But all they could do was not enough to save him.

Lisa returned home that afternoon.

Now she found herself in her room thinking about her brother as she held the small box that held some of her memories of him. Sadly, she opened the box and peered inside. It was as she remembered, except for one item-Brent's chart. It was not there. In its place, at the bottom of the box, was an envelope. Her hands shook as she tore it open and removed a letter.

The first page read:

-------------------------

Dear Lisa, It was you who kept count, not me. But if you're stubborn enough to keep count, use the new chart I've made for you.

Love, Brent

-------------------------

Lisa turned to the second page where she found a chart just like the one she had made as a child, but on this one the lines were drawn in perfect precision. And unlike the chart she had kept, there was but one check mark in the upper left- hand corner. Written in red felt tip pen over the entire page were the words: "NUMBER 491. Forgiven,
FOREVER."

Forgive others...
Forgive yourself...
The Bible's 70*7=infinity