to a dear friend

i knew you would change your password, trying to not let others see your heart. i pondered and wondered what's the best thing to do, to tell you or not. sometimes, all it takes is just some self-confidence with a little bit of openness

definitely had a super packed week over e last few days but was it eventful???up to you to decide :) 24nov - end of 'a' levels, had dinner with e whole family, at sakae... 25nov - simon seeto n annie's wedding...had a good time 26nov - service 27nov - shopping for prom!!!got my prom dress and shoes 28nov - more shopping and pedicure at hair secret 29nov - prom day...manicure in e morning and makeup and hair in e afternoon...p fetched me, s n hy at my house...slow drive...realizes that p forgot to bring his ticket...hahas...he made loads of wrong turns...so sad...sad dinner with "5" courses...1: smoked salmon, 2: potato soup, 3: fish with whipped potato (which got cleared before i could start on it), 4: some cake with a chocolate factory chocolate stick!!!a pleasure to my chocolate loving tastebuds :), 5: coffee/tea...clubbing after that...first went into dxo which was boring so after that we exited n chatted with mr c outside dxo...left with class peeps at 1plus for zouk...ladies night at both places..."danced" a bit at zouk...then yh fetched us back home...slept 2 hours (6-8) 30nov - training at bedok reservoir...went to mr c's house after that to continue packing...slept there when we were supposed to babysit maxi...he...sighs...hahas...no comments... 1n2dec - camp (will blog more about it when i came back...was meaningful and fun!!!!) 3dec - standard chartered run in the morn...i jogged 9km!!!walked for 1km :p but its already a super great achievement...before that, e longest run i had was 3km...tpjc road run... 4dec - movie with class gang...watched battle of wits...not a bad show...teach u some battle techniques...hahas...went to balcony at night...me, hy, ld n lh... 5dec - farewell!!!shall upload photos after i return from taiwan :) now at the airport...blogging here...hahas...so weird...got sunburnt!!!!!terribly...aching shoulders, neck and face....mos after that 6dec - was supposed to go blading in the morning and go play tennis in e afternoon with class guys...blading was cancelled cos i couldn't leave my house cos got 2 refugees in my house :p tennis was cancelled cos somebody injured his dad's car...hahas 7dec - training and taiwan!!! :)

!!!!! exams r finally over !!!!! :) :) :) :)

was just clearing my email inbox...actually read them and forwarded a few emails...after that, i was stoning a bit and i thought, you know of the existence of some emails that talk about telling your friends that you love them??was reading through one of those and it struck me...why do people forward those mails easily but hardly tell their friends directly that they love them?? by the way, to those of you who received the mail about the movie corpus christi, please go visit this site http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/g/gayjesusmovie.htm learnt my lesson about untrue email forwards :)

becoming more n more like e characters in yi su's books...feel like them...will post a pic of e books when i use my own comp :) hahas...off le

photos

actually think about it this should be one of the few times i upload pics ba :p hahas...fei hua shao shuo :) ok...bro just came back from thailand army exercise :) my present :) actually quite happy cos though the slippers quite useless (i'm sorry) but it's the thought that counts ma :) its the first time im receiving presents from him :) hahas...he got me a pencil case too :) just nice for me :) and its brown :) hahas... check out my nails :p longest i've kept so far ba :p my medicine for being sick over sunday to wednesday...only went to see the doc on wed though :p hahas... next up are my ic photos :p like the ngee ann one :) super cute :)

confused

starting to not like myself...have decided...im going to study by myself frm now on...alone...get really distracted with others around...

post-prelim activities

prelim results first...still quite alright with it though i do promise to work hard to do much better for the actual 'a' levels...got 2 As for maths and physics, 2 Cs for computing and further maths, C5 for general paper :) actuaaly happy for gp cos got improvement by like 7 marks...my essay component improved but my compre component became worse...packed my room :) mood these few days have been affected by the stupid haze which has reached unhealthy levels of 151...horrible horrible and scary...cant imagine the end-times...should be worse than this...with higher air temperatures...SCARY!!!!

post-exam syndrome

yesterday was my last day of prelims..wouldn't say it went well or went really bad...maybe i'm just getting imune to it...was planning to get a 1000 piece puzzle to fix over the next three days of break from studying but couldn't find any nice pictures so went to the library to borrow 4 books instead...2 english, 2 chinese... about the post-exam syndrome...i wonder if its caused by overstudying before the exams when life gradually turns into one with only studying in it and becomes lifeless...so going through the exams, i become temporarily lifeless and meaningless...then after that, because there's suddenly no need to study, life feels empty and even more meaningless because i previously didn't realise the meaninglessness of life (if you get what i mean)...pardon me for my long sentences...it's a habit... i suspect im a robot...because i do everything like an expert system...it's like in a particular situation, i will try out a choice and learn the consequences and remember the consequence of my choice...it's really like an expert system...everything feels like numbers to me...from maths to colours to sentences...the way i form my long sentences is the same way i form maths equations...seriously... haven't been sleeping well for the past week..only had 3 papers this week...computing 2, maths 2 and f maths 2...i don't know if i've been imagining fake worries or something...hiyas...actually very confused and thinking about many many things... ks..off to read my book :)

today

had a weird day...hahas...pleasant i should say :) let's start with yesterday...another weird day but not as pleasant...went to swim in the morning at se's house...first time (or second??) that i didn't bring my phone out...was actually very blur as i forgot my keys too...yups...saw the very stressed sister...and tuition teacher...hahas...then went to church to practise worship with wf at 11...ended practice at 12 and had free time till about 12.30 when the super good musicians came in to prepare for the workshop...workshop started at 1...ended at 3...group practice was weird due to the infamiliarity of everyone with everyone else in the group...talked to random people...to not leave it so awkward...was really really cold and couldn't play properly...*1*...tried out one new style :) the grand grand type of playing :) ks...was supposed to go for cf after that but had no motivation...was listening to the guys playing piano and teaching sg as well :) jia you jia you!!!take time to slowly try out your own style of playing :) went up to do noticeboard...put up the messaging thingy :) had bs preparations for today at 4.30...supposedly but the guys came up late not knowing the person leading was asking them to go up...hahas...one big miscommunication...was actually stoning...got lost at quite a few parts...ql wasn't exactly following the material i think...don't know...anyways...played pool after dinner at qq noodle house...*2*...wasn't really in good mood...whacked the balls really hard (by my standards)...realised that i hit harder when in bad mood...reached home at 10...then stoned in the massage chair for sometime then went to room...wanted to sleep but couldn't...so packed my gp notes...then finally went to sleep... today was like wake up at 8.15...went to bathe...wanted to wash mom's aircon filters but found out that dad was actually washing them le (but they still not clean...going to wash them again later)...was supposed to leave house at 9.45 to meet v and jl for breakfast...but whilst installing some stuff on the new computer, i overshot the time...in the end, mom fetched me and we picked up n on the way :) played for youth hour...wanted to go for 2nd service but the sermon started already and i know i wouldn't be in any mood to listen to a sermon without the beginning...so went to dunman hall instead...was thinking of where to sit then this sister asked me to sit beside her :) so kind of her...she really very familiar eh...but forgot who's her child...think is ts...shared the songsheet with me :) and even asked me why i wasn't at 2nd service :) weird encounter...here comes the really weird and pleasant part of my day...after service, i walked out and saw j and s...then found out that 2nd service ended le...so in order to be a responsible post(wo)man for mommy, (hahas...) half-ran to the chapel...saw yl on the way so just passed his brother's stuff to him...then went into 2nd service, (no idea why) and mysteriously started talking to i (a dear sister) after se left...learnt a lot about being a social worker...and she gave loads of advice :) on God's direction for me...actually stayed in the chapel till all the chinese congregation people left le and the indonesian congregation people had come in...then talked to him...surprisingly :) hahas...that's the pleasant surprise of the day...actually feel very relieved now...thanks :) all i can say from the whole episode is that He answers prayers!!!and we truly need not worry about things in our lives...He will take care of everything...really...after talking to i, i was actually quite confused over what to do with my life and even how to decide what i should do with it...then came the biblestudy material during fellowship which truly reminded me that life is about GOD!!!!!He has His plans and the only question we need to constantly ask is how we can adjust our lives to suit His plans...it's not about us...not in the least bit...Lord, use me :) i want to be a part of Your great plan :) thanks for inviting me to be part of it...only He is fit to be the initiator...torn between a social worker, a councillor and an engineer (and between the many different types of it)...shall seek His will :) the question is not "What is His will for my life?"...the proper question to ask is "What is His will?"...*3*...after seeing Him at work, i am to adjust my life to suit His plan in this world!!!went to true vine just now :) bought a book for myself and another as present :) ks...end of day... jia you jia you to everyone having 'a's and 'o's :) ****all the random thoughts that came to mind that don't fit the rest: *1* currently using the new computer...super large screen and super fast...hahas...desktop ma... *2* this new computer is really weird...got a lot of adjustments to make to the setting... *3* this keyboard's @ and " are swapped...weird... I Stand in Awe You are beautiful beyond description Too marvelous for words Too wonderful for comprehension Like nothing ever seen of heard Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom Who can fathom the depth of Your love You are beautiful beyond description Majesty enthroned above And I stand, I stand in awe of You I stand, I stand in awe of You Holy God, to whom all praise is due I stand in awe of You

God's plan

it'll all started with my purple bunny-looking eye white...started the talk with my mom... yesterday was another of the days that i just felt like i want to change my mom's sadness. it was one of those days i felt like just talking to her would change her point of view. asked her about our family again. we cried. she said that life is like a painting. a sketch God originally had in mind for each of us. a beautiful and simple one. however, we decided that it wasn't pretty enough so we had to add more colour to it, and destroy it. but He wouldn't stop us because we have free will. the consequences of the destruction, we have to bear it. in the end, He will still transform it into a beautiful picture. though not like the original one. so what is His plan??it's so confusing. way too confusing for my laggy brain to comprehend. He's so so amazing can. maybe He uses the 100% of the brain, the same brain of which we only use <2%. wasn't feeling well yesterday. so went to sleep at 8. all the while thinking of how to comfort my mom. got my answer this morning when i randomly decided to go view the group blog. _ |

"The counsel of the Lord stands forever, The plans of His heart to all generations." [Psalm 33:11]

We must always remember that everything happens, happens for a purpose, for these are all according to the plans that the Lord has made for you. Therefore, we must trust in the Lord and never desert Him; keep Him in our hearts all the time. Even at times of failure, we must praise Him. For He brought upon you failure for a purpose, because it is part of His masterplan for you. ~by ben lee

_|

just made me think more of how God truly plans our life. see. if He had a fixed plan, it means that He would already have predicted our paths. and He had already foreseen the mistakes we would make, the major and the minor. if there was no fixed plan and just a fixed goal, the major mistake of people marrying the wrong people wouldn't be in the plan and the wrong people who came out of the wrong marriages wouldn't be in the plan either. this means that the wrong people didn't actually have a life at first and they weren't in God's mind since the beginning of time. so which is it? i conclude that the first case is more likely. then comes another question, is this all that important? which is more important? just focusing on knowing that He loves YOU and following Him, or finding the plan He has for your life?? or do we just have to know that He has wonderful plans for us, and that we do not have to worry and just follow Him??

' "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ' [jeremiah 29:11]

got a new digital camera :) hahas...7.2 megapixel...think i'm going to turn into s soon...going around asking everyone if they want to take pictures...just not as aggressive as her...hahas...miss her...hmms... think about it, i guess i'm quite bad at keeping contact, staying in touch with people in my life...is it also because there are so many people i have met since young, changing schools every now and then??maybe that's just an excuse...

my apologies

sorry sorry...the article in the previous post was not written by me...the original author is k...just decided to post everything i wanna share on my blog now and just be me :) praise the lord!! What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up.

-1 corinthians 14:26

How’s life?

I’ve always disliked this question because I find it too vague. What do you want to know? Which part of my life are you really interested in? Finances, social life, physical health etc Suffice to say, I am an engineer and I like my world to be precise and sharp. Most of the time, I would just mouth off safe but forgettable replies like, “Oh fine, I just bought a new LCD monitor” or “Great, I got an A for my exams” to throw off my questioner. The other reason why this question irritates me is because I don’t really the answer. How do we measure the quality of our lives anyway? For some, it would be their own personal happiness while for others, its all about a life of status and popularity. At the end of the day, most of us are still quite confused as to what we really want in life. I was reminded of this the other day when I caught Gayle Nerva singing “If I Ain’t Got You” on Singapore Idol,

Some people live for the fortune Some people live just for the fame Some people live for the power yeah Some people live just to play the game Some people think that the physical things Define what's within I've been there before But that life's a bore So full of the superficial

Someone once said that before we can know what something is, we first have to know what it isn’t. Its like that in life sometimes, before we know what we want in life, we first have to know what we don’t want. I like this song because it is therapeutic to me in the above manner. It makes me reflect on my life and helps me identify the driving forces behind some of my most important decisions in life. I do believe there is nothing wrong with fortune, fame and power. Life would be pretty much unbearable if we are to do without the above 3 entities. Picture an existence without money, popularity and control. Without money, we would have no food and life would be quite sad if no one likes me. And without a certain measure of control over our lives, we would live in fear, trembling at what tomorrow might bring. I don’t have a problem with these resources, the more the merrier. But the problem arises when I allow as the song says, “the physical things to define what’s within”. Now, I firmly believe that nobody of reasonable intelligence will define himself solely by his salary and status. We as human beings instinctively know that there is more to life than all these. But having said that, why is it so easy then to measure life by the externals alone? I guess there are a few reasons, the first one being that our society actively promotes a materialistic lifestyle. In a highly materialistic society like ours, our quality of life is measured by how much we have. The second reason is the mistake of allowing our identities to be defined by the status symbols of this world. If we are not careful, we will start to measure our self-worth by our academic prowess, friends, or looks. And the flip side of living life this way is that we end up “running on empty and running after emptiness”1. By exchanging what’s within for what’s without, our lives become rushed, bored and isolated. Our relationships turn shallow because we are no longer interested in loving people, but rather in using them to fulfill our material wants. We network to increase our business contacts, make friends only with the rich and the intelligent and spend time only with people who are useful in our climb up the status ladder. We forget to cherish people for who they are and are only concerned with what they can do for us. Children are judged on their academic grades, wives are judged on their looks and husbands are judged on their salary. One of the things for which I am very grateful for ever since I started working is the fact that I am a Christian. I lost count of the endless number of dinner meetings that basically revolves around money, women and position. If we are not talking about our paychecks, then it must be about our future marriage plans, if its not about our marriage plans, then it is inevitably about so-and-so who has just been promoted to managerial level. These things aren’t bad in themselves and actually do enhance the quality of our lives but something inside me tells me that there is so much more to life than life itself. And God offers me just that in the form of His Son Jesus Christ. He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins while I was still a sinner. In Him, is forgiveness of sins through the shedding of blood. Even though I’m still messed up and have my ugly moments, but God still accepts me unconditionally through His everlasting love. And because I’m accepted by the almighty God of the universe, I no longer have to strive to merit the acceptance of this performance-obsessive world. I no longer have to define myself by what I do but by who I am in Christ. If you would like to experience the freedom and joy that comes from following my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, you can do so by praying the following prayer: Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive you as my Saviour and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.2 If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, I invite you to pray this prayer right now, and Christ will come into your life. God bless!!! Reference Quote by Pastor Edmund Chan Sinner’s prayer taken from the 4 Spiritual Laws

wake up!!!

feel like im stuck in a nightmare right now...feels like someone just pushed the reset button in my life...back to five years ago before everything happened...lord, help me...strengthen me...help me face life...the past five years were like a dream...like i just came back to my life...

the way i am

and i thank you lord for the trials that come my way in this way i can grow each day as i let you lead and i thank you lord for the patience those trials bring in the process of growing i can learn to care but it goes against the way i am to put my human nature down and let the spirit take control of all i do cause when those trials come my human nature shouts the thing to do and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored and i thank you lord with each trial i feel inside that you're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong cause you promised lord that with every testing that your way of escapingis easier to bear but it goes against the way i am to put my human nature down and let the spirit take control of all i do cause when those trials come my human nature shouts the thing to d0 and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored and i thank you lord for the victory growing brings in surrender of everything life is so worthwhile and i thank you lord that when everything's put in place out in front i can see your face and it's there you belong but it goes against the way i am to put my human nature down and let the spirit take control of all i do cause when those trials come my human nature shouts the thing to do and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored -and i thank you lord just realised that i should just blog the way i am :) whatever i feel, whatever im thinking...many things happened today...played soccer with the guys in yf, then ultimate frisbee...came home, talked to my dad...from tmw onwards, i'll b jogging every monday night with dad...then i think wed will be swimming day with the sisters :) today's sermon was about forgetting the past, the past successes and the past failures...things i've learnt--> i really really need to forget what happened in my past...clinging on to it all too much... i really don't know how to treasure things...always missing out on people only when they are absent...qh, wm, yr, bro... your strength is made perfect when i am weak...Lord, teach me to communicate with people...to listen to them, listen to what they really want to say...give me the wisdom to know what to say to people lord...thank you...

back to studying

nationals last week...didn't study for 5 days straight...not at all except for listening to ms l and mr c talk about computing... nationals: was slightly disappointing i guess...though i knew it was going to be like this, i still hoped for a little more...given the stiff competition in our heats, we got kicked out in the first round...but i don't regret it!!!not at all...thank you partner :) for letting me have the chance to train properly...thank you mr c :) for giving us the proper training skills and expertise...thank you for adding loads and loads and loads of colour to my life :) friday morning was spent at macritchie in the rain, waiting for the races to start, for elvis' race...after that was home first then to melville for handover session...much tears...sighs...thank you team :) and thank you juniors :) friday night spent at js's house...slept in the porch of his house :P had bk breakfast...then went home and rush off to church...was totally exhausted by then...but used every ounce of my energy :) guess that's what youth is about ba...i manage to recharge totally every night and go full speed again the next day :) sunday was off to church, then met j, wk, hy and wm for dinner at marina square...played pool with j, wk and wm... monday marks the start of all the studying :) kks...nothing much to say about studying ba :) except maybe that i've finally found out how to use oop in this coursework :) byes..

back to Him :)

7 minutes for me to blog...before going to school...was depressed / overstressed on sunday...couldn't control my tears...got a new group...back to school on monday and coursework...today too...haven't gotten out the structure of the whole thing....sighs...good luck to me for coursework k...its so confusing!!!badminton opens today as well...then tomorrow is our big big big big day :) time to show our worth and put our hard work on display...hahas...proving to myself, my parents, our seniors, our school and the rest of the world :) hahas...kks...zao le... some last words...thanks brothers for praying for me on sunday :) really helped to know that you are there for me, to just listen to me and pray for me :) is faith about emotions??i don't think so...<--this line is sparked by what i read somewhere else...its not about getting high...its not about working hard to be the perfect one...its just about trusting Him that He will guide you in your every day...and just learning to love those around you...that's my thought about it :)

refreshed

exhausting day yesterday...had training at 7.15...till 12??then went to church for worship practice, dm and leadership training... dm...got a new group :) but am alone from my tuanqi...got vivien and ethan from the other fellowship...got mixed feelings towards enci...like some people give me bad impressions while others let me just have the feeling of friends... leadership training...talked about lots of things ba...all regarding leadership...must must lead by example k...bought the wooden pegs for our message board :) yay!!! had a bad dream last night about seeing dad with someone at a shopping center...sighs...scary... mich's bday today...that troublesome woman...hahas...kks...zao le...

confused

got back f maths common tests...got an f...but it was a higher f than expected...expected = <=25, common tests = 34... mom just said that the people i'm with play too much...is it true??what is to be done with youth??wasted away playing, having fun, using the energy to just make urself happy or wasted away studying??its youth eh!!!what does it mean??i guess to me, it just means to use your never-ending energy to pursue His will...to bring people to Him...to glorify His name... thoughts sorted :)

on life

on events

been pretty occupied with canoeing, dragonboating...retreat on the last saturday...was good except for the rain...was about to give up for common tests...then decided it was too wasted...told mom my decision to give up yesterday and just made her go into shock and anger...but went back on my word...with the remaining few hours, i will study hard for these tests...

on tuanqi

kevin leave us le...don't know if i am hiding my own emotions...actually quite alright with change of mentors but the way they keep emphasising on our inability to adapt makes me puke...the way they insist that we are against the new management...i sincerely believe that they think of the best for us and i do accept the change but i just hate it when they repeatedly say we don't like them... give us time.

on me found out something about myself...i don't mind when other people tell me my faults or even just scold me...i just hate it when they speak as perfect beings themselves and do not lend a hand to help me change. on God He loves.

long long time

been 1 and a half months since i blogged..hahas...now having holidays which don't feel like holidays at all...4 training days a week...not much energy to study...but working on it...force myself to go home straight after training to bathe and go school study...slow but steady progress i would say... went to the library few weeks ago and borrowed many books...hahas...for the "left behind" series, i've completed "the indwelling"...kks...going off le...wan shit :P dragonboat nationals this saturday!!!at bedok reservoir...friday got bbq with tq people...saturday night gotta lead worship for sec 1 and 2 camp...byebyes...

life

life's been good recently...been reading His word daily, learning new things everyday... :) next week is xuan jiao da hui...should be visiting a church with mommy :) then going out with tq peeps ba...so cool :) :) hahas...making new specs on wed...not been studying...shall start tmw!!!library, till 6+ 7, then home for dinner...thursday got break...friday got both gp papers and maths...yesterday was college day...got money :) 90 bucks...but in popular voucher...sianz lar...no idea what i should buy for 90 bucks...maybe get myself some zig markers...then get v's present...then get some cd??or vcd... sleepy...night nights :)

on family and hurt

been reading a book on love, sex and relationship. just read this chapter on a wall of protection in the family. it said that families are the walls of protection around children so they cannot be attacked by Satan. so what happens to the child after the walls are torn down? can the child protect himself? how to?? talking about myself...triple hurts?? my brother = single hurt due to parents? me = hurt by parents + hurt by absence of my brother + hurt from... is my brother constantly not home to avoid facing the hurt in him?? help me, o lord. help me to recover from my hurts that i may start seeing relationships from Your perspective. thank you Lord, that my family is still together. but i don't know what is worse. a divorce or a cold family? one last question. what should the wife do? forgive her husband for the affair totally / protect herself from being hurt again by not loving again? even if her husband has changed, the trust is lost. so what?

birthday presents

hahas...finally met j online and got my birthday present pictures!!! :) :) thank you!!still remember myself taking pictures of the presents during maths lesson...hahas... sorry...not sure how to put the caption below....in order... magnetic piglet from j piglet box n "forever friends" flower from sisters cards and letter from partner and kayakers nicholas cd frm c and wallet from teammates a comparison between my old and new wallet

inferiority complex

it is getting to me again...since primary school???since i went to red swastika's 3/9 and learnt that there are so many people better than me and that i am so bad...so lousy...since i went to taonan and came out to be the bottom of the batch...since i went to rgs and realised that the people around me can study less and get better grades than me...since...dunnos... talked to j the other day...thanks for reminding me that the most important thing in life is to get close to Him!!!! :) but sometimes, it's really hard to believe that truth...and even harder to live it out!!!grace, jia you jia you k....just pursue Him alone...it doesn't matter how others look at you, even how you look at yourself doesn't matter...as long as you know and firmly believe that HE LOVES YOU!!!

updated

sat: tpjc carnival "fun blast"...quite a weird day ba...woke up at 6...automatically...though i don't on weekdays...was checking my tpjc.net...then at 8.30, i read the message from the science booth teacher that we are supposed to be in school at 8.30...messaged s...reached school at 9.45...went to the science booth to await the goh's arrival...in the end, when he finally finally arrived, we all siam-ed and left him to talk to one group...went back to class booth after that...then walked around with wl...actually not that boring after all but the thing is, there were more tpjcians than sec 4s!!!oks...left school at 1.15 to go church...was slightly late but qihang hadn't started yet...had mini mochi!!!so nice lar...after that went to cold storage to get more mochi for the tq peeps...but didn't have the mini one so we bought the up-sized ones instead...i think we left it in the wrong compartment...making it very icy...should have left it in the fridge and not the freezer section...had fish n co for dinner...went to carrefour...they were looking for liquor...after much discussion, we ended up at giraffe...the classy place in the middle of istana park...drank a cup of bailey's irish cream...hahas...on the way home, saw this tpjc guy with his girlfriend...turned around to avoid seeing him then i realised that there's tpjc on my back...shoots...after a got off the train, i saw the campus superstar from ri...then messaged a...hahas...was quite worried for f cos she was the most red one...o ya...the girl working at giraffe is like 18!!!and it was so funny to have someone your age checking your age lar...hahas sunday:its the presbyterian church's 125th anniversary in singapore i think...so they had combined service at national indoor stadium in kallang...super a lot of people lar...anyway, didn't go for the combined service...don't like the "show"...went to st andrew's community chapel near my house instead...for the first time, i went to an anglican service!!!but it just felt so weird because everything is like set...the mc has a script...everything is set except for the worship...service ended at like 10.50...then stayed to talk to some people in there till like 11.10...after that mom asked if i wanted to buy new shoes...just happily said yes...went to east point...got 2 pairs of shoes, 2 short-sleeved t-shirts, 1 3-quarter sleeved and one long sleeved...got a new jacket too...hahas...happy day tuesday: first thing in the morning, during class pe get banged by hy and flew onto the track...got injured at 6 places...one of the injuries being scratches on my left cheek with one of them being at the corner of my eye...funny...first thing that came to mind was momentum of hy transferred to me...hahas...too much of maths...didn't go for training because there was 4x400m semifinals in the afternoon...don't like the teacher ic...insisted on us changing into running attire before letting us register...and not sympathetic at all towards the injured one...come and tell me some stupid long story some more...so proud, in the end soccer still lose to MJC...pon-ed water training on tuesday...had 2 dinners... wednesday: went for training but it was cancelled thanks to the rain...it has been pretty bad...super hot in the morning then super rainy in the afternoon...when we are all already so sian-ed by our lessons, the weather is freaking hot...when we want to celebrate the end of the lessons, it just has to rain...sighs... today: suddenly had the feeling that i wanted to drop physics s...reminds me...s commented during s paper tutorial that i seem super against mr c...don't know lar...maybe i am against him...just killing my interest in both maths...im sorry...simply cannot stand his "never prepare lesson" attitude and his "bell ring le but can we just squeeze in one more question" attitude...seems to me that both fmaths teachers aren't allowing their students to learn anything...one going too slowly, repeating himself 5 times and the other going way too fast...sickening!!!anyways, after physics, just when i went to join the soccer-watching crowd, mjc scored the winning goal...sadness...today during pe, we were just supposed to settle our sea carnival entries...wanted to take part in mixed doubles but since no one asked...fine...shall be more of sea steward :) hahas... o ya....HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!!!!!i mean you!!!hahas...

tsk

hahas...know i haven't blogged for some time...just found the time to blog like right now...before i start preparing for school... first thing must blog about birthday...went out on the 9th for marche with hy, t[hy's friend], j[classmate], m, j[kayaker], wk and wm...had a fun time just gorgin ourselves...hahas...then j n m went home...left the kayakers...went to takashimaya's mos again and played truth or dare...got one truth and one dare...actually only kena once but j say birthday must end with me so twice lor...11th was a tuesday...thought there was training so i brought my stuff to school...then hy told me there's no training so we went out again...this time round, we ate sakae buffet from 5.20 to 6...hahas...40 min, 6 people, 80 plates...plus 6 mochis and 12 slices of watermelon...hahas...super full lar...the waiters and waitresses were like just staring at us lor...because our last order was "6 plates of ...6 plates of ...6 plates of ..." basically super a lot of food because LAST order le ma...same people lar...me, hy, j, wk, wm and ja...at like 8.30, i announced myself hungry again...hahas...o ya...mr c sent me an early birthday message on the 10th...then during pe on the 11th, he did some stupid thing at the track while i was running...at the airport at night, he refused to do again but he still did it like 2 more times...hahas...cabbed home with him...some person arh...injured like all the limbs then still want to chiong pull-ups with the guys...next time become handicapped peronel arh...got a card from the fellowship people and another from the kayakers...pictures of my birthday presents are with j...shall post them when i get them :) to all the people who messaged me, thank you!! :) this week has been tiring..."I HATE COURSEWORK FOR WEBSITE!!!!!!"...i just hate it...didn't like it right from the start lor... played tennis with classmates yesterday...almost had to play with 4 guys but wl came along :) thanks for the company girl!!!then got c, j n p...o ya...played tennis for spe as well...c keep saying i was warming up...but i think my skill (or no skill) has worsened...lack of practice ba...after tennis, we went to 85 for dinner...the guys eat a lot lar...met my dear mommy there and got a lift home :) hahas...c got a lift too...to simei mrt...then he met mr c...hahas... today shall be my deathdate...got computing coursework(last 3rd session) and mathematics lecture test...i am so dead... on a more serious note, there have been quite a number of students in singapore committing suicide...i don't understand why they want to end their lives...life is so good lar...but i guess it's on the spur of the moment??maybe, one day, it'll be my turn... off to study mathematics...

tired

shall split today's blogging into two entries...project timothy learnings and the happenings of the day... was late for school today...woke up at 6.48 can...but i've been totally exhausted for the past two days...the only reason i still went for school today is the heats...the first thing that came to mind was "shoots, i need to get to school for spe to take part in the heats"...first up was 12x100m in which our class came in first :) :) cheers!!then 4x100m where i made a fatal mistake of not passing to qk properly...sighs...but we still came in second thanks to hy n s who chiong-ed their hearts out :) no jogging today...hahas...GOOD JOB PEOPLE!!!the guys ran well today too!!!no walking at the last bit, everyone just ran wholeheartedly :) ok...just let the cat out of the bag that i've been exhausted...project timothy days kind of killed me because i have to go off early from training and rush down to dhoby gaut...it's like i have to bring a few sets of clothes to school, lug them around, go for training, end early, change out, rush to dhoby gaut and go straight for project timothy...after project timothy ends at like 9.30??, go for dinner and go home while still lugging my heavy bag and shoebag...reached home on tuesday at 11pm...amazingly managed to wake up at 4am...wednesday (i think i was exhausted already) reached home at 11.30pm...and slept till 6.48am this morning :) ok...i desperately need the rest...for me to be energized on saturday and sunday...having national juniors this weekend :) ==> not going for church...will miss my dear brothers and sisters...the only reason i'm still online is that i have to send out various mails and also prepare for coursework!!if not, i'll die for this coursework...shoots...kz...shall start on the mails before the next entry...

put down your armour

shall blog about what i learnt from sermon yesterday first: topic: PUT DOWN YOUR ARMOUR!! 1. i am what i am given (as a baby) - too little love will result in self-disrespect - love just right will result in self-confidence - too much love will result in a world centred around me 2. i am what i will - the amount of self-discipline i have determines what my life 3. i am what i imagine - my ambition, the occupation i want to be 4. i am what i learn 5. i am what i choose to be to be a complete person, we need to seek the original image of man which is Christ. only when we nail the "old me" on the cross can i allow Christ to live in me and become the "new me" :) 6. i am what my surroundings are - our parents, our family, our teachers... HOWEVER, our surroundings is this world, which is filled with sin... no matter how much we try to protect another being from getting hurt in this world, no matter how much we try to protect another being from being influenced, we cannot do enough to shield him from the world and its flaws. as a result of the disappointments we face, we often develop our own set of survival skills like escaping, or just laughing it off..this defence will become a part of us so naturally that even as we desire to remove it, we are afraid of the disappointments we may once again face as in the past. solution: accept ourselves, then accept Jesus' perfect love for us everything yesterday seemed to be specifically for me, as though God is telling me "it's time to put down your past"...and i have decided to put it all down and follow Him without any cages in my life :) yay!!! wrote three letters today, to him, him and him...hahas...during maths lecture and tutorial... kz...going for project timothy tomorrow under the sponsorship of my mom :) i have great parents :) thank you Lord...

maths test tmw!!!

ya...as my title says, got a maths test tmw...on complex numbers and vectors...giving up on vectors...think what i'm anticipating more is the maths s paper selection test results...wonder if mr c has finished marking them...hopefully yes so we can decide on the subjects to register or ba...registering for 'a' levels on tuesday...if i get in for maths s, then nothing to say lor...take 4 'a's and 2 's's...but according to bb, you don't need s papers for a local scholarship...so should i consider dropping s papers??physics quite waste time...and i think i'll start dying for further maths 'a' level soon enough...ok...looks like programming :p --> case 2: i don't get through...honestly have no idea what to do eh...physics s paper tutorials are still interesting...speaking of physics s paper tutorials...i fell asleep during lesson today...right in front of the teacher...then he (amazingly remembered my name and) said "grace, so tired arh...fall asleep ready"...from what i remember, he was at the same question as before i fell asleep...but he's a cute teacher!!!hehe...after the (refreshing) nap, i was wide awake!!!still not really any mood to study lar...but ok lor...then he gave me and the only other girl from s27 taking physics s a question to present upon seeing that i had started talking to her...sighs...don't know which is better...felt seriously blissful today when i ate the icecream...was just smiling to myself with the people around me looking at me with weird eyes...hahas...but i seriously felt contented and GOOD!! shall go sleep le...else tomorrow no energy to focus on the maths test....nights!!!

roller coaster ride

yesterday and today have been like a roller coaster ride... yesterday: in the morning, mrs v spent like half a period checking our blouses, getting us to remove the drawstrings and tucking in...it only worked until after break when our drawstrings reappeared in our blouses!!!hahas :p anyways, the other half of the period was spent with me, qk n p sitting in front of the entire class sharing what in our life allowed us to score 'a's...just realised that our class is doing quite badly...sighs...anyways, had training after school as usual...we picked our jersey colours!!!!black and orange...it was supposed to be the choice of the exco but the entire yr 2 team picked together...hahas...thought we were going to get 2 different designs but we're not!!!we're getting 2 sets of the same design....disappointing...hahas...during training, had loads of coordination problems....had a talk after training...it was saddening...but don't worry :) i've recovered!!! :) :) was messaging mr c after that...he's a really good teacher...he should become an educator of the educators in tpjc...hahas...sent me a short online message just now about training...hahas...was really laughing when i saw his message...and the thing is, he sms-ed me to tell me he sent me an online message!!!so cute...hahas...and i was laughing as i read his message...conclusion: he's a fine educator...o ya...i'm getting a new paddle!!!!yay!!!! today: nothing really special about today ba...hy told mr c that i've finished geometric distribution...sighs...she and her loudness...mrs v asked her to keep her volume down lar...so cute :) anyways, was reading a time's article just now about the stressing of children nowadays...and i can only say that i'm lucky to be born into this family, with these parents, at this time...mom seems to keep thinking that she doesn't give me enough stress...but i'm perfectly happy with my life now!!! *afraid that she would start stressing me out* arghs... back to work...

the bronze snake

Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in Him may have eternal life.

-John 3:13-14

it may seem ridiculous to be saved by just simply believing that Jesus died for me on the cross. doesn't seem even more ridiculous if you were bitten by a snake and just have to look at a lifeless bronze snake to be healed?but the Israelites did get saved after looking at the bronze snake. the same goes for us. we just need to believe that the simple cross can save us :)

maths lesson??no!!!!!

sposed to have maths remedial today...well...the rest are having maths remedial...but i have decided to pon it...seriously don't find maths lessons of any use other than the notes and tutorial sheets they give...actually am all geared up to go for it...just that it's too late now and i seriously don't feel like walking into the lt with s27 staring and mr c don't know doing what...yesterday, i actually napped from 5.30 all the way till 9pm...for the past two days, i told my mom i'll be having dinner out...but i have been going home for dinner...hahas...nothing much has been happening ba... :) ciaoz...

bro in tekong

another big thing that recently happened....brother went to army!!!!so vain can..he actually went to specially cut off all his hair reason being that he's afraid that the army people might anyhow cut...like how anyhow cut can they get???its just making u botak lar...there's only more botak and less botak...bet the hairdresser must have had a hard time clearing up all his hair...anyway he went tekong...will be staying there for a total of 3 months but he'll be coming back after 2 weeks...guess i definitely won't be the one missing him the most given that i've become used to his non-existence in my life...like hello...i see him fortnightly???and i think i talk to him like one sentence every month or something lor...the day he came back botak i just didn't recognise him at all lor...was wondering what a stranger was doing at my doorstep in front of my mom...actually have a lot of things to say about him and her but shan't leak anything here...they seem to be teaching me the wrong moral values...shan't comment....hope bro becomes fitter...hope he slims down, hope his fats get burnt off...hope he learns to become more disciplined.... played pool yesterday with 4 and i --> a person's initial...stupid male chauvinists...hate that attitude man...

adriano's in!!!!

hahas....simply elated because adriano's in :) his performance was disappointing indeed but its still entertaining....with his funny antics and facial expressions.... having double training tomorrow because i want to train with my teammates and with my partner as well...hahas...shall not include the details... haven't been coming online quite so often...been quite glued to the tv for the past few days...had the da chang jing advertisement played in front of me so many many many times...meeting j on friday :) back to mugging man...had physics s paper lesson this morning...mr y ended early at 11.30 so i went home before going back to school for maths extra lesson at 1.30...he was late as usual...me, p, hy n xy left halfway (just blatantly walked out of the lecture theatre) to go to 7-11 opposite to get food...ate cup noodles there...wanted to get a piglet badge there...but not so lucky...got this stupid simba which i don't like at all...hy took it...then walked back slowly...after maths lecture tutorial, took maths s paper selection test....almost got chased out of school by the aunty locking up lar...wonders why...finished another chapter of mechanics :) maybe its time to start on the assignments...but i have no motivation to do that but i would rather go on learning new stuff and completing new chapters...hmm...shall decide tomorrow...actually don't know what to say liao...just hope adriano will continue to stay in the comp and fare much much better in all the shows to come :) jia you jia you!!! should be going back to Him....sighs... :) byes...

dilemmas filling my head

today had gym training as usual...as usual, blur me walked into the stupid seat handles a dozen times...once i used too much force to walk and i think i injured my right ankle...slightly swollen...and when i press it's like super pain lar...but now better liao...hope it'll recover so tmw i can row properly :) actually am in a dilemma...one side of me tells me to train hard, to become stronger, to fight all the way...the other side tells me to stop training and watch out for and ugly figure...sighs... o man...i can't believe it...weighed myself just now because hj asked me to guess his weight...and i got the shock of my life!!!because the weighing scale said 50kg!!!which means im back to the weight that i was when i just entered this school!!!which means im super light for my height now!!!think i know the reason...been trying to spend only 2 dollars on food in school these few days, resulting in me only eating mommy's breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday...and my appetite for dinner never seems to be good, leading to a drastic drop in my weight....don't know to be happy or sad... yet another dilemma is that i don't know if i should consider quitting kayaking before the nationals...shouldn't say anymore regarding this lest i leak out secrets...but quite sad actually...sighs...how????

gp

just here to blog about something making me very sad and stressed???don't know what it feels like to be stressed... what are languages for???to me, it is for us to communicate with one another...this means that as long as others understand u, u're fine... can all of u stop making me feel like my gp grade is f9???can all of you stop making me feel like other people don't even understand what i'm trying to tell them???can all of you stop making me feel like my world will fall in on me just because i don't ace gp??? teared during physics lab...thanks to mrs v who keeps saying that she's making me do extra work because she wants me to do well for gp as well...i know that she has my interests at heart and wants me to be joyful when i receive my 'a' level results...i know that she doesn't want me to have to face a result slip with a outstanding gp grade...but could she please open up her eyes and look around the class and stop picking on me??? dear mom, i know u have my interests at heart too...i can feel it...but it's not helping that you harp on it everyday...could you please become more knowledgeable and go read up on the university entry and scholarship requirements and stop being so ignorant???it has gotten on my nerves multiple times and sometimes, i just don't feel like talking to you about school-related things thanks to your ignorance...i don't think i'll ever talk to you about school-related things anymore...sometimes, i even feel like ignoring you once you start on the subject... is it that they are making a big fuss out of nothing or is it just that i've become complacent?? what exactly does it feel like to be stressed??shall go eat my chocolates and destress over them...at least they won't remind me of gp... Lord, please humble me as i learn Your ways at the time You want me to...

emptiness

forgive me....supposed to be doing gp comprehension now...and i still have an essay to rush but the sudden rush of emotions just leads me to this site... praise the Lord man!!!for You are a good God...leading me through the worship on sunday, and just allowing my family to have a good time with grandma and giving me a strong and healthy grandma...who i'm proud to announce is 89!!!God, please give her a long life to enjoy k...and also let her become part of this big family of Yours... today was saddening...j, please take good care of yourself k...continue to stand firm in His Word k...He is faithful no matter what happens around us... shant say anymore...bye Light of the World You stepped down into darkness opened my eyes, let me see beauty that made this heart adore You hope of a life spent with You so here i am to worship here i am to bow down here i am to say that You're my God You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy altogether wonderful to me King of all days o so highly exalted glorious in heaven above humbly You came to the earth You created all for love's sake became poor so here i am to worship here i am to bow down here i am to say that You're my God You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy altogether wonderful to me i'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that Cross i'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that Cross ~here i am to worship

pure exhaustion

yesterday (aka thursday) was physics test...did a simple part of a question wrong...bad news man...got gp test later...will be going for pool before that...and after that will have training and most probably going orchard for dinner... physics test...was blur and thought that it was on friday...original plan: start studying on wednesday...luckily i found out on tuesday it's on thursday so i started studying on tuesday...covered waves and oscillations...then wednesday was a tiring day and i didn't touch physics at all...thursday woke up at 7, walked to bus stop just in time to watch the bus leave without stopping...sat at bus stop and finished superposition, ideal gases and thermodynamics...amazing huh...hahas...went school for gym, bathed and walked from canteen to j block, sat there only to realise that mr goh is using our "classroom"...called ms lim and another woman called back using her phone...and the woman knew my name!!weirdness...anyway, the three of us trooped back from j block to b207 only to see mr c happily sitting in the control room, apparently not concerned that we were like 15 minutes late for lesson???and he wasted so much lesson time figuring out his computer things and basically not talking much sense...so i revised my physics again...was fallin asleep by the end of cs...thought i would sleep through the physics test lar...hahas... after school was physics s tutorial...a new teacher came...initials being ykh...never see him before one lor...and his outfit today look like a secondary school uniform...hahas...he wanted me to present lar...but i told him i not supposed to present because im not in any group...hahas...so i just sat there...was a bit stony...but i guess i quite like him after all...given that he allows us to not listen to him explain and do our own stuff if we know and understand whatever he's explaining...hahas... this week was just exhausting...no idea why but it just seems to boil down to all canoeing and having lessons...note i said having lessons and not studying...o ya...got back chinese ao...don't know if i should be happy or sad...got a2...mom was apparently happy since i improved from b3 to a2...but it was still a drop from promos after all...maybe just because i didn't work hard at all for it...sighs...shall not commit the same mistake with my 'a's...cant afford to screw it all up...was watching the p announce the top scorers and stuff...and i realised there's this burning desire in me to be one of the few names mentioned next year...one of those to be recorded down in tpjc history but not leaving any mark in the eternal kingdom...why???guess i've been pretty occupied with gaining worldly fame ba...forgive me...need to find back the right motivation to study, to glorify His name, to let His name be upon everyone's lips one day... on tuesday, we didn't have training because mr a was on childcare leave...we went out to watch final destination 3 and i realised that i have become more sadistic...was actually laughing at the people dying...but u do know that it is all just a film and not real life ma...hy laughed throughout the show and couldn't stop herself until like 30 min later...the next day, she was recalling all the different "modes to death", doing the actions from across the classroom during maths tutorial... she watched it again just now (thursday) with the girls + c, j and p while i was having physics s...went to meet her for dinner... kkz...shall go for my beauty sleep liao...lest i be late again tomorrow...but before i go, congrats to sm :) :) for doing well for your 'a's :) nights....

small and beautiful things in life are for you to appreciate...

hmmz....taking worship this sunday....and the whole program is just worship!!!!o man....it just means singing and singing for 2 hours straight....but thanks to l :) he helped me along the way and guided me to choose songs liao :) jk will b playing the keyboard and l, the guit :) hahas...sighs...i have a messy mind right now... "quarreled" with jk ytd...over his mom...and his studies...shall not spill out the details here...boy arh...when you feel like talking to me again, know that my ears will be all yours k...truly want to be your friend... was walking home today when i noticed an interesting sight in the sky...there was a beautiful pattern formed in the sky due to the sun and clouds and water droplets in the sky :) scientific explanation provided by my mom...was so excited that i hurriedly walked home and showed my mom the pattern :) was quite disappointed at her reaction...she was like "oh..."...that's all!!!sad...it lead me to think about God talking about having a childlike faith, when you learn to appreciate everything around you, when you just feel so amazed about all the lovely patterns around you...so cool!!!i want to continue appreciating all these things till my last breath :) thank you Lord for making all these beautiful things in life :) on saturday, we had a studying session...like me, jk n a...hahas...finished permutations and combinations and probability!!!so pleased with myself for catching up with mr c...physics test this friday...and there's going to be a compre test in the afternoon!!!arghs...why are teachers evil beings that do not appreciate the hard work we put in, the effort we can only afford given our level of ability???if only...sighs...getting chinese 'ao' results this wed...will be late for training :( and the compre test is 2.30 to 4!!!will be having land training this friday...thanks to the stupid test...going to buy new running shoes on saturday!!!! :) :) yay yay!!!new running shoes means i can alternate between the new one and my current new balance ones and run everyday and not be afraid of them getting flattened!!!hahas....yeah.... wanted to post something reflective...but i just forgot what i wanted to post about...--> shall post it when i remember...

psalms 23

the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths in righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

next post: one week later

haven't been blogging for nearly a week!!!the past week has been so draining that all i ever do at home is bathe, eat dinner and sleep!!!seriously...even when i try to watch the 9pm show [lu zheng xin ren wang], i fall asleep on the sofa...but something amazing happened!!!i found a new way of studying...that is, to sleep before 11 so i can wake up at 4am!!!hahas...the day i fell asleep on the sofa was tuesday i think...the next day, without even setting the alarm clock, i woke up at 3.51am!!!and i was so super awake lor...been eating quite little out of home these few days...but once i reach home its like gorge time!!!reach home, eat, dinner, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, sleep...super pig lor...hahas...monday was funny...met a after school to help her do pullups...but both sets of pullup bars were in use so she refused to do her pullups for the day in front of either the rockclimbers or the d-boaters...so we did rowing outside the ssc room in full school uniform!!!so freaking hot...after that, when we were both sweating like pigs, we went to sit at the grandstand to cui feng...blow wind???sounds wrong...hahas...saw j unexpectedly...disrupted his conversation with another alumni...sighs...after pulling, we went home...took 9 and went walking at eastpoint...saw kt after i crossed the road...looking further up, i saw sh and another rjc girl...hahas...after walking around at eastpoint, i saw xy at the traffic light...so qiao can!!!like see so many of the people i knew...i just recognised them from afar...hahas... physics s paper tutorial yesterday was sad...like me plus 5 peeps from s27 plus 2/3 from s01 and another 2/3 from s02...2/3 because i don't know which group's from s01 and which from s03...basically i went through two hours without talking to anyone!!!so gross...don't know how to describe the feeling...and mr s kept stressing that i don't know anyone else in class la...but mr s's so cute!!!i realised that he teaches like mr c...except for the alternate method alternate method thingy...and he prepares for lessons!!!though he doesn't look at whatever he prepared during the lesson...kind of redos every question...and we went through 3 questions from 4 25 to 6 17...so slow can...hahas... been going to school early everyday to row... we are getting new computers in b207!!!that's our computer lab...yes man!!!because all the sets were failing {in mr c's original words}...hahas...so on wednesday, we were given the order to dismantle the whole set and remove the cpu and the monitor!!!hahas...so fun...like mass destruction...we won't be using the computers for the next week i guess...since mr c says that they'll take about 10 days to set up and test everything...was sleeping during lesson yesterday...it was so cold yesterday!!! maths...got test today...so woke up at 4 to finish the complex numbers chapter...got 4 chapters in the test, complex numbers, vectors, forces and friction and numerical methods...hahas...will be leaving out vectors...too much for my brain to handle given that i've been lagging in maths tutorials...hahas...that sounds like probability!!!which i haven't started but which mr c has finished... listened to an engineering talk last friday...then listened to a arts and social sciences talk on wednesday...means i've lost out in 2 water practices...anyways, i feel like taking a major in electrical engineering and a minor in psychology...hahas...can i??see how ba... hao ba hao ba...shall go prepare for my new day ready...going to nap for 10min...nights!!!

dunno...

sorry for the previous post...just felt like penning down stuff in poem form...yesterday was busy...as will be today... ytd...left school at 10.50 after maths lect go home...saw s on her way home from the doc's...hahas...went home, packed my stuff, washed clothes...slacked a bit and went back to school to do pullups :) hahas...sat through prof ku?? and asst prof eicher low's engineering talks...im going for electrical engineering man...ended late...made my own way down to bedok reservoir...did starts up and down the breadth of the reservoir thanks to the lightning...pretty good i feel for ytd :) thought i was following d's frequency but it appears that i was actually faster than her!!!slow down girl...anyway, mr ac also complained that both our frequencies were way too fast for 2m12cm paddles...hahas...shall pull longer today...i want to run!!!!!!!!but i'll be disallowed...after training rushed home, bathed then went off to meet jk for worship prac...ate a mars bar :) yummy!!!then went to play pool...waited quite a while for a table...lost 3 games, won 1... on my way home, a lot of thoughts came to mind and at quite a few junctions, i just felt like crying...but He's great :) saw a couple sitting together...both of them were sleeping...girl's head on guy's shoulder, guy's head on girl's head...so sweet can...but the wonderful image became distorted in my mind...you wouldn't want to know what came to mind...sighs... today's schedule: 8.30am--report at bedok reservoir to help take care of "runner"'s bags...since im forbidden... 2pm--first lesson of qihang for me 4.30pm--sunday's biblestudy prep loads of rushing here and there again...sianz... jk's been talking about taking a break, like totally not caring about anything...i guess it's something we all yearn for!!!i want it too...a break from being the "programmer", a break from leading worships, a break from playing for worships, a break from worrying about who's leading worship...i guess as a christian, our breaks come in the form of tablets :) daily tablets that we should take but we mostly conveniently forget to take...our daily refreshments from Him alone... remember to have your "medicine" everyday k...byes...

perfection and imperfection

did you realise that all good things in this world come in twos?? starting from the beginning, God made humans with two eyes to see and admire His wonderful creations, two ears to listen and enjoy the joyous sounds, two hands to follow His will and carry our cross, two legs to follow His footsteps, two nostrils to take deep breaths of the perfect atmosphere. see, everything in this world was supposed to be about God. but He created humans and they started to destroy the perfection in everything possible. urbanisation--destroying the wonderful creations, machinery--add hideous noises to our gallery, war--do evil things with our hands, aeroplane--bring us to where He is not, pollution--destroying the perfect atmosphere. love, was meant to be perfect. that is, if you follow His Ways. this, is just another example of how humans have managed to succesfully destroy the perfection in God's will.

happy belated vday everyone!!!!!

today two days late liao...so long nvr blog can...everyday like reach home already no energy...hahas...actually no la...been reaching home quite early (like 5++) then watch the winter olympics highlights repeat...hahas...so sad that i never ever managed to wake up at 2 to watch the direct telecast...sad that i stay in singapore whose time is so different from torino, italy...just realised the fun of watching winter olympics...maybe 4 years later this time, you'll find me in italy watching the olympics live!!!!hahas...*wonders if v is watching the olympics live*...envy envy...after watching olympics, i watched comedy party on mondays and packed my stuff/ate dinner on other days...basically slack lar... had a good day on tue...stupid hy ps-ed us after asking us to go out...but anyways we still went out and had fun...hahas...j bought flowers for the three girls, namely me, s and d :) so sweet can!!!!!hahas... had training ytd...then while running to the toilet, my left foot stepped into a pothole and i tripped...resulting in a sprain in the left ankle and a scraped right knee...so malu lar...plus left ankle is sprain third time already lor...sighs...now i've got a left ankle forever prone to sprains...been injuring myself quite a lot recently...sighs... today, went to biopolis for astar research attachment closing ceremony...so lame can....the philip yeo guy, who's currently the astar chairman's opening address was like rubbish can...he keep talking about his achievements in all the agencies he has worked for and for every agency, he will always emphasise how they decline after he leaves and how it is none of his business...freaking cocky...there was good catered food...we wanted to pon the poster presentations at first but couldn't...and this funny never-see-before chemistry teacher actually represented our school to get our certificates...we were all wondering if he's just someone sent up so our certificates get collected but it turns out that he IS our school teacher indeed... hahas...was late for the third time today...but she was on mc again!!!probably haven't recovered ba...sighs...stupid injured ankle...o ya...i got in for physics s paper!!!only 9 people got selected...sianz...

road run...chiong arh!!!

back man...seriously in no mood to catch up for maths...slept through the two periods today...xy told mr c that im sick...o ya...he treated us to marshmallow dipped in chocolate just now...delicious :) had no appetite today...only finished my breakfast plus the marshmallows and a cup of apple and a cup of red apple juice...that's all i had in sch!!!o ya...after sch stayed to accompany hy because she waiting to go straight for tuition...was a super rainy day today...a super sleepy day... wk said i look like a guy from the back...because my shoulders are broad...don't know if i should be sad about it or not...anyways, i can do a normal pullup and one with my palms facing me....have yet to break the "one" stage :) hahas.... road run yesterday...got 26th :) hahas...a satisfying result after much running...got stitch 5 minutes after i started running and it lasted all the way till the end lar...so jialat...stopped twice...class got second :) yay!!so got a trophy and a medal yesterday...after that went home and went kbox-ing...celebrated yh's birthday...gave him a surprise :) hahas...the guys singed more than usual while the girls sang so much less...c was being dumb and proclaiming that he sang the most songs lor...then p rapped a lot of jay chou's songs...so boring...after that had dinner with yh...he so nice can...treated me to soya bean :) hahas...

with all i am

si mei...hahas...thanks for reminding me that He is with me :) finished the whole "ideal gases" tutorial today!!!hahas...while "watching" the news...was actually planning to watch the english news today...because we are all supposed to hand in 5 current affairs mcq questions to qm/p by saturday...however, the english news timing clashes with all the shows that i like so too bad!!!hahas...then i missed the chinese news as well since i was busy doing the tutorial...but finishing the ideal gases tutorial means that i've caught up with my teacher since i was listening during the thermodynamics tutorial just now :) which means i am supposed to start catching up on my maths...which is lagging far far far far behind...sincerely have no wish to start on the catching up...just suddenly realised that i love physics more than maths...or is it because of my teacher???no ideas...anyways, i've officially dropped chinese and today, i enjoyed my first period of chinese-less :) hahas...shall get to enjoy more from now on...hmmz... saturday, i went for training without doing any exercise...was there, supposed to finish up superposition tutorial but i was just staring at the same page of a's times for the whole training...the guys ran around bedok reservoir (4.8 km) and the girls (hy n a) ran + half jogged for 3.0 km...in the end, s didn't even go for training, then d took k2 with a...there are so many dead tortoises in bedok reservoir...there are so many cruel, cold-blooded humans over at bedok reservoir who tie fishing line rounds around the poor tortoises...sighs... sunday, i wore my old pair of baggy long pants after much considerations as to how ugly the bandage will look just below the skirt and how informal burms will look...final decision: [A] baggy longs...hahas...it was so funny because i told s in the morning that i wasn't going out for lunch since i could only walk this fast...so he went for lunch with a...then they called to ask if i wanted lunch...but i was in the toilet...so didn't pick up...then i was messaging jk and he too asked if i wanted lunch...anyways, i called back s to order my lunch :) after that, upon returning to the room, n set up the equipment and proceeded to ask if i wanted lunch!!!hahas...it was really funny on my side... went to taiwan porridge for dinner with parents...ate 4.5 bowls of porridge :) :) *victorious grin* was pretty sad that mommy didn't let me eat 5 bowls instead...the last few mouthfuls were so salty man...came home, immediately took out the bandage and FREEDOM!!!hahas...knee actually still a bit guai...but when i press, it doesn't ache anymore!!! :) YAY!!! wednesday going for kbox after roadrun...decided to let myself go since i finished ideal gases today :) hahas...o ya...i'm supposed to join in the gp remedial group...know why??because someone expects me to get an a1 for gp...feel like telling her it is impossible but is it really impossible??guess not ba...from now on, i'll pay attention to the news everyday!!! :) hahas... With All I Am Into Your hands, I commit again With all I am, for You Lord You hold my world, in the palm of Your hands And I am Yours forever Jesus, I believe in You Jesus, I belong to You You're the reason that I sing, The reason that I live With all I am I walk with You, wherever You go Through tears and joy, I'll trust in You And I will live, in all of Your ways And Your promises, forever I will worship I will worship You just a song to remind myself to constantly place everything into His hands :) that He is my GREATEST Father, that i can trust in Him FOREVER!!!AMEN!!!

recovering

just thought that the title is very apt for my condition now....from my leg to my heart...hahas... somehow, i feel like my heart is recovering...was reading j's blog just now and i realised that i've long forgotten how to place my burdens at His feet and just rely on Him...i've long forgotten how to pray and ask for His presence, ask for His forgiveness and ask for His power to heal me... o ya....my leg's injured...thanks to hy...for full details, please refer to my mouth...hahas...kidding kidding...got injured on thursday helping hy do her pullups...then she swing back, i no strength then twisted my knee lor...went to see sinseh just now after training (where i didn't train)...mom was so surprised that i actually went to see sinseh myself lar...hahas...please lar...i obviously know how to go to that place man...stay there for 8 years liao eh...anyway the nice sinseh said that i injured my jin again...hahas...everytime same problem one lar...last time is left ankle now left knee...same rubbing oil, same medicine, same wrapping, same smell, same treatment...now cannot bend knee...how do i go to church tomorrow?!?!?!?!cannot wear jeans, wear skirt very ugly lar...feel like wearing berms eh...see how tomorrow :) next week so shiok can...only training on tuesday and saturday...friday training not confirmed...plus now i injured then dunno training on tuesday not...but i do hope i recover...so that i can train hard with my partner :) :) kkz...byebye... just realised i forgot to add that i actually fell asleep while waiting for the sinseh...he had to wake me up...hahas...too nice an environment to sleep in liao with all the nice smelling chinese medicines...

belated belated posting

the remains of a blog entry on 25th jan....hahas "now in computing lesson...hahas...envious that i get to use the computer during lesson??hehe...got 15 minutes left of computing...after this will be physics tutorial...supposed to hand in the lab paper later but i have absolutely no idea what to write for possible sources of error...heck... tuesday: woke up at 6am as usual to go school early to train...actually missed bus 38 but i walked to eastpoint just in time to catch bus 9 :) so reached school slightly late anyways...but earlier than s...did rowing but i think there's something wrong with my rowing position...don't feel like my lower back aches but some small muscle of mine" now new year liao....actually haven't blogged for a full week...hahas...school week's been as usual ba...friday ponned the stupid cny celebrations (the school already expected many people to pon can...if not they wouldn't fit both year 1s and year 2s in the hall)...we wanted to go shopping at first...but reached tampines mall at like 9.15???all the shops not open yet lar....in the end went ya kun for breakfast...then walk walk a bit...hy bought a pair of heels!!!!which she likes a lot but which obviously doesn't appeal to me....super high lar...i'll never ever wear high high heels...too high for me already...after that we went to kbox lunch...had to leave early so me, hy, s n wl left 3 [gay] guys to sing [love songs to each other] for the last hour...hahas...kidding kidding...they not [gay] at all lar...3 very very nice guys from my class :) hahas...don't ever go for k-lunch...their lunch sucks!!!the worst chicken rice i've ever had...and they charge like near 10 for a small portion of yucky chicken rice served on disposable plate with disposable cutlery!!!bad choice man...but we haven't gone k for so long so just go lor...paid for half s's share...since she treat us to pizza at night...after that went training...then went to eastpoint to help mr ac get some stuff...teenage labour!!!!hahas....then went to his house for pizza...the people who took bus from eastpoint actually reached his house even before they got on to the taxi back at eastpoint!!!so funny lar...then maximillian remus chua (his dear beloved son) woke up and started crying...sighs...then he got back...and we started on the pizza!!!had a cup of coke and almost died of thirst after that cos i didn't drink the drinks that they bought at ntuc...found plain water in his kitchen though :) stayed at his house playing with maxi and his train set...he actually said we all don't have childhood...because we obviously weren't as privileged as maxi to have his own train set, to have like 4 riding toys, to have his own playpen!!!sighs...jealous man...they played ma tong dai dee...then took pictures with maxi and left at 9.30...reached home just in time to catch the last 15 minutes of ai de zhang men ren...hahas...at least it doesn't have an unexpected ending like wu chu cai hong...it has an ending that i am happy with :) :) ok okies... saturday was sleep sleep and more sleep...sleep breakfast, sleep lunch, sleep reunion dinner...was just basically catching up on all the lost sleep during school days so far!!!hahas...reunion dinner was yucky...didn't like the place, didn't like the service...food still ok...but that place destroyed my favourite jin long ji...hahas...some chicken lar... sunday: morning wake up to mommy's nice smelling mian sian...the only one i've eaten throughout the whole cny...go church, was late thanks to bro who refused to wake up and took his own sweet time after that...got quite little people go for service eh...like less than normal service...much less since there's no sunday school...love the sermon...it reminded me once again to put down the shadows that are crowding my life, the shadows that are blocking me so that i can no longer see His light...it reminded me that i MUST put down these shadows and instead look forward to the new year...maybe it is time to put down...maybe it is...sighs...why have things become like that???i guess both of us were at fault...okok...shall stop thinking about it liao...I AM GOING TO PUT DOWN THE PAST!!!!please remind me if i forget this resolution...after that was visiting visiting and more visiting...played mahjong with ama...only spent time with my paternal family for one dinner this year... monday: morning fetch bro to work...then go 2nd aunt's house to have mian sian...ate beehoon because she don't have the fujian mian sian...hahas...then left just after most of my cousins arrived...then went to auntie yu zhi's house to have mian sian again...this time ate the xinghua one...the fatter and saltier one...after that me, joyce and en min went upstairs to watch tv...hahas...guys were in the study playing computer games...sighs...guys...after that went to 2nd uncle's house...played moneyless mahjong then had dinner...after that was just sitting at the blackjack table without my money...then helped cousin zw take his cards while he eat dinner...then after that he put one more bet ask me play...are you putting around me a safety net???sighs...o ya...while mommy was playing mahjong with two coaches, namely me n cousin zw, he told mommy say next year after my 'a's he bring me go for some sea sports thing...hahas...so fun :) anyways, i think in the end i help him lose money only...but he still won 10 bucks in overall :) :) ok...enough about today...tomorrow going to visit mrs v and ms c...wonders what their house will be like...hahas...and should be going out with S30 after that ba...else go to cousin zw's house...kkz...byebye :)

reminder to myself

does church mean that a person is saintly? does going to church mean that the guy you know is mature? does going to church mean that the guy you know knows his limits and boundaries? does going to church mean that the guy you know have self control?

before you make any decision / take any action, please open your eyes wide and look at him!!!!

new printer for me!!!hahas

friday: go sch early in the morning to run...then bathe and attend lessons as usual...after that, went training...left training early to go for retreat cum camp...hy was sick so didn't train...mommy fetched me to the camp place...reached there nearing the end of worship...nice place, nice worship there!!!brings back many memories of when we were so young, just trying to cram the lines and lines and lines of bible verses into our little heads so that we don't screw up the entire performance and competition...praise be to Him man...after that was a short talk which was slightly like a lecture...but i was trying hard to listen to His voice...like not as though its just knowledge entering my head...after that we played a game and i got a shock!!!because someone was in my group...was just dying to change group...luckily for me, we were only in that group for that one hour plus game and for supper...but can tell that he still watching out for me...freaky...what to do!!!!shoots...deep shit i am in...it was not only that he was in my group but we were the only ones from our church...sighs...at night, me and hy shared a room!!!with two mattresses each...hahas... saturday: woke up freezing at 6.30am...couldn't stand it...central aircon and i had no blanket...walked out into the non-aircon area...was planning to walk to the toilet at the other end until i realised that someone was just sitting there on the floor at the more open area...got a shock...so just decided to turn back and go back into the room...had a brainwave...to lie on one mattress and use the other to cover myself...however, it was simply too hard...refused to come down around me...in the end i wrapped it around myself like how i usually do with my blanket...hahas...after that turned off my alarm clock at 6.55am...woke up at 8am instead...when breakfast supposed to start at 8am...hahas...so was late for breakfast...after that went to timothy room on level 5 for 3 hours straight of bumache...hahas...its just that i get buttache no matter what i sit on lar...anyways, spent a good personal devotion time...had 15 min for lunch...after that rushed off to sentosa (tourism academy) to have some group games...fortunately or unfortunately, we grouped in our churches...he was inside once again...played a few games and i avoided him as much as possible...played a game of coordination with bro, his gf and cch and two other people from another church...realised that cch's not that patient after all...towards bro...maybe im more patient, or maybe im just learning to be more tolerant towards bro...was super super relieved when we got back to camp as all the enci people had to go off for some birthday celebration of theirs...hahas...finally felt myself...after dinner, we went home...n left his wallet on the bus...wonders if he got it back ready...the stubborn fellow...refuses to go make a police report on his ic...hahas...reached home just slept...just "died" of fatigue... sunday: woke up at 10am!!!so late...hahas...anyways, wore a skirt to church...then stupid jk kept laughing at me...but he was nice enough to comment otherwise online after that so shall forgive him...hahas...had sponsored lunch but it somehow resembled the dinner we had the day before...played lan after that...hahas...picked up a bit of basics...but i poison nova-ed at the wrong time...sorry n...played 3 games!!!accumulating to a total of 5 games of DOTA for me...hehes...after that went home...went eat genki sushi for dinner but i think i still prefer sakae sushi at the end of the day...maybe just more used to it...parents went to courts to claim a 400 bucks voucher...after that, we actually bought a new printer!!!hahas...went online...then stayed up till like 2 plus installing new printer and packing the computer area...also completed gp essay... monday: woke at 6.15am in a shock...didn't hear alarm clock at all...maybe it was just squashed under my head...hahas...picked up s's call then decided i was definitely going to be too late to run...so wore uni and went to school to sleep...today, i broke my own record of sleeping in class today!!!slept during chinese early in the morning, then slept in gp while reading some long article about don't know what...after lunch, i actually slept ONE FULL HOUR in maths tutorial...had a good good sleep...was totally undisturbed...after that actually supposed to study with c but not feeling very right so came home quite early...now feeling better le lar... reflections: been rather contemplative today...maybe seeing him affected me quite a bit...though i may refuse to admit it... have you ever wondered? how does love turn into hate? how do friends become enemies? how lovers become strangers? i have yet to find my own answer. but what i do know is: that it is possible, yet impossible. depending on the people involved; depending on the attitude they carry towards that relationship; depending on how true is the love between; depending on how much fate and affinity they share? if you ever happen to read to this line, i mean, the specific you, please do look for the meaning behind all this, and i hope that you'll learn to forget me. i have tried looking at you once again, in fact, i've tried it for more than once. but i cannot imagine how i ever loved you in the first place maybe it was just not called love. dear friend, i do hope you read this. that we may become friends once more, that we may share the love of Christ, and care for one another truly.

prayer

dear Father, please truly give me the peace to accept the things that i cannot change, the things that have already happened that cannot be reversed in time...please heal my heart, please teach me to love the people around me wholeheartedly, please teach me to just focus on the people around me, help me love them and help me see how i can further Your kingdom and bring them closer to You...but before all that, lead me back to Your welcoming arms, lead me back into Your warm embrace... in Jesus' name, amen

totally unfocused

wed: woke up at 6, morning called sarah and reached school at 6.40...when i reached the track, there was absolutely no one there...only got a few "members of the public" running around and around...waited till 6.50 when sarah appeared...then did 5 sets of 100m sprint...then 3 rounds cool down...after assembly hy went locker then her locker door got stuck as usual...tried to help her but yesterday really cannot do much about it...in the end the smart girl turned it out while the door was open and slammed the whole door in, making the whole situation much much worse than before...because after her slamming, the whole latch got bent and became totally hopeless...day passed on and then went training...surprising thing is that j appeared...thinking about it now, i think either he has changed or i have changed...i don't know which but communication seems weird...it feels like he does not want to talk to me but is just because he does not want me to accuse him of abandoning me...just my feeling...shan't bother anymore...don't think about it liao... thur: woke up at 6, tried to measure rhr until 6.05, went toilet...come back that time 6.15 liao then morning call sarah...then she say like that she cannot make it so today never run...took my time to go school...when i reached, i was the only one in the S30 line...hahas...so early right :) :) today quite sian actually...no mood to blog liao...too many thoughts floating aound my head...too many past blog entries and phrases used floating around for me to even be able to think of anything new...byebye...tomorrow running again...let's hope i can actually wake up on time given that it is now nearly 1 and i'm not exactly going to sleep yet...o ya...will be having retreat for the next two days, i.e. friday evening to saturday evening...so i won't be blogging and i won't be coming online...lest you see my ghost...byebye

going mad

a miracle just happened!!!my brother slept at home yesterday and he's back home again today!!!applause applause...haha...sorry...a bit siao today...but it's truly a miracle...anyways, yesterday when he came home, he passed my mom 100 bucks don't know for what...but the main point is, my mom gave it to me!!!she say its to reward me for doing well in studies :) happy happy...now i got more money to spend before the money in my bank go missing...hahas...think i'll go get new sandals...to go training :) partially because i have money, partially because i just want to have new sandals??hahas...but will get the cheap kind...because i hardly wear sandals now...got so many pairs of slippers...haha...do u know how slow mr chew's tutorials are???i actually finished tutorial 10c liao...and he's only like halfway through 10e???i took 2 days to do 10c lor...so i'll soon be able to catch up with him :) :) hahas..don't slouch!!!okok...shall update about training...ac decided today that hy will take t1 500m and i'll take t1 1000m...don't know if i should be happy or sad...actually still quite unhappy about how bossy she is at times and how she refuses to admit that she's bossy...gets on my nerves at times but helps me train my patience...anyway ac says my rotation is way too slow...and i think my footing very weird lor...yet to find the most comfortable position and stroke for myself...think i seriously going siao liao...laughing at the emoticons i added from j...hahas...now so amused by them...kkz...enough rubbish...byebye!!

don't slouch!!!

1st reminder to myself: don't slouch...ok...starting to get back ache le...not a good sign at all...woke up at 6.10 this morning when sarah called...reached school at about 6.50, ran a few rounds then bathed...after bathing, s, hy n me rushed all the way to the courtyard and stood in line just in time for maktab...haha...was panting so badly i couldn't catch my breath till everyone was halfway through the pledge...hahas...went for lessons after that...actually managed to finish the first topic of physics notes writing during chinese just now...and i finished one tutorial of maths (vectors) after school staying back...was pretty distracted today...then it rained after many days of sunshine...but only for a brief few seconds...all the people having training had to run indoors and leave their equipment around...library was pretty empty...guess it's just that nobody's in the mood to study yet...am i starting too early??i guess not since this year, i am taking my 'a's...though it is a fact that i haven't learnt to accept...hahas....just realised that my blog entries are actually pretty long...o ya...new blogskin for me :) slightly edited...soon, i'll download msn messenger 7.0 into my new laptop...and i'll transfer my music files from the old computer to this one so that i can once again enjoy music while stoning around...realised that around me, no one blogs as frequently as i do...water training tomorrow...okok...got to bring loads of clothes tomorrow...byebye...