trying to figure out myself

the original draft got deleted :(( shortened version.. original plans for the weekend: Friday birthday dinner with m, Saturday lunch/tea with p and hy, adex with o and hy, dinner with z (assumed in my head cos Saturday is one of our days). Friday, xj arranges for birthday dinner instead and m change dinner to Saturday without confirming details. Place not important but time is important because she has time preferences/restrictions for dinner. But, no discussion on that. Just assume I'm free at her dinner time. Then when I try to discuss with her and tell her that I'm out with o and hy for adex, she gives irritated face as though it's my fault that I nv eat birthday dinner with her. Then say forget it, I just go dinner with z. I already in my head change dinner to lunch because of ur sudden plans, don't make it like it's my fault and u're so weiqu.. then z comes along and says we don't have plans for today. Mm.. aren't u supposed to plan for it according to what we previously agreed? *trigger#1

Because of the 1st trigger, I went down this train. Because of my own personality and preferences, time and energy are important to me. This means that I need to plan in advance how much time and energy I'm going to expend and how I'm going to expend those. I cannot just say ok, so u not free then we don't meet today, then end of conversation. What I read from that is ok, I don't really want/need to see u so much, so it's ok that we don't see each other. This is why I continued to ask about the minimum requirements for meeting frequency. I'll continue to discuss and confirm the next time I see u. I think this is also why I'm scared of saying bye. Cos I don't know when I'll see u next or when the next time it is I have to spend good time with u. Yup. So this was trigger#2. I can't figure how this works...